I love it when they come from behind

I don't like sports, but I love sports movies. I think it's because the games or matches or whatever are often cut down to montages, or they fade in and out to the exciting parts. Hockey is probably my least favorite sport to watch, but Miracle (the movie about the 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team) is fucking fly. Check it out if you haven't seen it. It'll warm your heart.

Here is a list of some of my favorite sports movies, in no particular order:

Miracle
Remember the Titans
The Mighty Ducks (the sequels were pretty dumb, but Joshua Jackson is hot by the 3rd one)
Wimbledon
Angels in the Outfield
Varsity Blues
Bring it On (yes, competitive cheerleading counts)
Drumline (Marching Band isn't a sport, but it's the same basic plot outline)

Don't worry; I'll update the list as I think of more. If you have any favorite sports movies, please leave a comment!

Doomed to be a Hetero

Earlier today, I was bitching about some asshole guy, and a co-worker suggested that I just become a lesbian. But my really hot female friend tried to make out with me on New Year's last year, and I had no desire to comply. So I guess that's out.

Oh, Canada

My new favorite show is Slings & Arrows. I watch it illegally online. It's Canadian. I'd tell you what it's about, but I don't feel well, so you can just Google it, you lazy fuck.

Ode to Marlboro Lights (2)

I almost called in sick to work yesterday. I woke up and felt like I had been hit by a truck. As I was debating wasting my Floating Holiday, I reached for my pack of cigarettes. I smoked one, and, magically, was well enough to get out of bed and drag my ass to work. Thanks, Marlboro! Now I can use my vacation day for fun!

And Billy Bob Thornton wasn't half bad either!

I don't care for Bruce Willis' politics, but he was fucking fierce in Armaggedon.

This doesn't mean I recommend it

You know what? I looked directly at an eclipse once when I was 11, and I'm fine.

Anger Management

A friend of mine is always telling me that I have a lot of anger. Last night, most of it was directed at my bartender. I started thinking about it, and I'm working on a theory. I think that, as the years go by, every time I get mad at a man, he's also getting some of the residual anger leftover from men in my past. So basically, each guy is getting more anger than the one that that came before.

I fear that if I keep getting dicked over, in ten years, a guy I like will step on my foot and I'll snap his neck.

Ah, Tuesday Nights...(Part Deux)

You know those nights when you start off with $50 in your wallet, and then you stumble out of a cab at 3 am and realize you have $4...and one of them is in your bra? I've found that those are usually the best nights. Then they are followed by very bad mornings (or let's face it; early afternoons).

Which reminds me: Gatorade is great. Especially the Fruit Punch flavor. Also great: Bagels with Scallion Cream Cheese.

Ah, Tuesday Nights...

I may be drunk at a deli right now, but I'm still pretty sure that I'm awesome.

Foreign Tongue

Sometimes I'll say a bunch of random phrases and/or words I know in a foreign language, even if they aren't fitting for the moment, cause I like to pretend I speak that language fluently. I could just learn another language, but it would probably be hard.

My two personal favorites: 1) Reciting lyrics from a Russian song I sang in high school. 2) Signing "From a Distance" at my friends through windows.

I'm awesome.

You have approximately 3 months to live (*Thud*)

Sometimes I lose my balance for no reason. I'm pretty sure I have a brain tumor. And you know if I do, it's gonna be inoperable. That's just my luck...

If only...

If there were Seeing-Eye Manatees instead of Seeing-Eye Dogs, I would gouge my eyes out.



Which reminds me: Do blind people in the city have to clean up after their dogs?

Ode to Marlboro Lights

Cigarettes are great. I know, I know. I'm going to get lung cancer and die, and then I'll regret those years I spent sucking down cancer sticks.

But come on. Smoking's cool, and you know it.

God Damn HMOs

So you know how a lot of insurance companies won't cover prescriptions for birth control? That's bullshit.

I personally am not on the pill, as I am a smoker who rarely gets laid. But I know many women who are. I'm not going to get into a whole feminist diatribe about discrimination, and how if men were the ones who could get pregnant, birth control would be free, have zero side effects, and taste like beer. I'm looking at this from a purely financial perspective.

The insurance available through my job does not cover birth control. But boy, am I ever thinking about getting knocked up. They cover pre-natal care, labor, delivery, and then you get like 6 weeks off of work! Sounds like fun, right? Seriously, insurance companies. Think about this. Hospital visits are expensive. Regular doctor's visits add up, especially if they include ultrasounds and the like. And then, at the end of all that, there's going to be another person to cover under the insurance plan. Of course, maybe that's the incentive. Mom will have to pay to get coverage for her new little bundle of joy. I smell a conspiracy...

Is it just me, or does it seem a little silly? Prevention is hot right now. A lot of insurance companies are paying for people to be screened for stuff (I read an article awhile ago...I don't remember specifics) and even paying for people to be counseled on nutrition and exercise regimes, cause it saves money in the long run if those people don't need open-heart surgery 10 years down the road. So why not birth control? That's like if I said, "Condoms are too expensive. I'll just get herpes." [Tangent: Of course, we all know that free condoms are readily available, and Lord knows I grab a handful any time I see them. Also: I really would rather not get herpes.]

This is developing into a full-blown "Kate didn't get enough sleep last night, so now she's going on and on about something, and she knows a little bit about it, but is too tired/lazy to actually research it so she sounds like she knows what the hell she's talking about" rant. Expect a lot of those in this blog.

In conclusion: In the long run, birth control is way cheaper than a kid. Do you think my insurance company would cover an abortion?

Well, hello there...

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not one for introductions. Let's just get right down to it. I'm Kate. This is my blog. If you're reading it, you probably already know me.

So I was thinking about changing my last name to Hitler. I think it would be an interesting conversation-starter. "Hi, I'm Kate Hitler- no relation!"

In the doctor's office, when they call my name, I could put on a fake French accent and shout, "It's Hit-lay, you idjot! Hit-lay! The 'r' is silent!" Stupid Americans.

It might offend some people (holla at my Jewish friends; I love you guys), but I think it would be really funny. Thoughts?